People, including leaders, react to conflict in a variety of ways. Two well-known reactions are avoidance (flee) and aggression (fight).

Avoidance might look like this:

• Expend a lot of energy thinking about what happened.  This often evolves into talking about it to others–and never going directly to the person or group with whom the conflict exists.
• Act like it’s not happening.  Commonly referred to as “not addressing the elephant in the room.” A strategy that can diminish individual or group/team trust.
• Suffer in silence. Leading to a negative impact on personal productivity and well-being.
• Look for an exit strategy.  Finding a way to escape the relationship–role, team, or organization.

Particularly damaging to relationships is when people react with aggression.  Meaning they use words or actions to dominate others.  Both avoidance and aggression negatively impact collaboration and efforts to build positive, growth-oriented relationships and cultures.  They suggest a need to better see and make sense of what’s happening in the midst of triggering interactions or circumstances–and consciously choose how to productively respond.  

Seeing conflict through the lens of possibility.

Learning to break the reactivity cycle is critical to leadership effectiveness. We need leaders who embody balance and being at choice–and who work with, not against, the reality of human diversity. Experiencing conflict is not aberrant, it’s normal. It’s how we grow.

That’s where coaching comes in. The shift from reacting to being at choice is accelerated by engaging in a creative process that fosters self-awareness, empathy, communication skill-building, practice, and reflection–all leading to greater capability and freedom to work effectively with others, including those with whom we disagree.

Conflict coaching can take place with individuals, groups, and teams. 

Linda is a Certified Mediator having completed a yearlong course of study and practice in Mediation and Conflict Studies.